Back in the 18th聽century, a theatrical line that was delivered to shamelessly elicit or 鈥渢rap鈥� applause from the audience was referred to as 鈥渃laptrap.鈥澛� The line usually didn鈥檛 have much meaning and claptrap became synonymous with nonsense.聽 Unfortunately, because of necessity, it has become a very popular word in my vocabulary. Rapper Nicki Minaj tweets about a cousin鈥檚 friend鈥檚 testicles swelling after a COVID vaccine. What can I say? Claptrap! Former osteopath turned Internet mogul Joe Mercola blogs about springs in mattresses acting as receivers for dangerous electromagnetic radiation. Claptrap! MIT computer scientist Stephanie Seneff links the weed killer glyphosate to autism. Claptrap!
So what鈥檚 the point?聽 That total nonsense can be made to sound totally believable. I know, because I get questions all the time asking if I think this or that bit of poppycock is true. For example, I was forwarded an email that鈥檚 going around claiming that wi-fi is dangerous because 鈥渕an-made wireless signals in the microwave range are unnatural and therefore incompatible with life.鈥澛� How about golf gloves equipped with a wristband to 鈥減roduce negative ions to help your body鈥檚 performance and recovery.鈥澛� Bunk!聽 Ditto for those 鈥渆nergy bracelets鈥� that contain a hologram 鈥渆mbedded with frequencies that react positively with your body鈥檚 energy field to improve your balance, strength and flexibility.鈥澛� You need a flexible mind to swallow that claptrap.聽
Energy bracelets are sort of benign nonsense.聽 But matters become more serious when claims are made about some liquid preparation that cures cancer by "lowering the voltage of the cell structure by about 20%," causing cancer cells to "digest" and be replaced with normal cells. Might such poppycock not distract some desperate patients from proper treatment? How about the Quantum Xrroid Consciousness Interface Machine, 鈥渢he most advanced medical assessment and therapy device in the world today?鈥� What does it do? Well, it 鈥渓oops all 200 trillion human cells within a 55 channel biofeedback system to gather bioenergetic data at nano-second speeds, creating optical wellness.鈥� Are not some people bamboozled by such hogwash? Judging by the number of QXCI machines sold, they sure are.
And should you want to be in tune with some more nonsense, you can tap a 鈥渜uartz crystal singing bowl鈥� with a mallet which will then 鈥渢ransmit energy into the atmosphere, filling your aura with vibrational radiance which translates into seven main colours of the rainbow.鈥� You should also know that 鈥渢hrough pure tone one can repattern the energy field organization that ultimately affects the cellular expression of disease and wellness.鈥澛�
And if that doesn鈥檛 work, there are always 鈥済arments powered with infra-red technology to enhance and improve athletic performance, recovery and general well being.鈥� If you want infra-red technology, just wear clothes. Any clothes. Infrared rays are nothing more than radiated heat. But maybe you should make sure these infrared garments, some of which also emit health-enhancing 鈥渕inus ions,鈥� are not coloured with synthetic dyes.聽 How about that for a rich dose of claptrap?
